I love moments like these...

It's late afternoon/early evening. Scarlett starts to get a little grumpy around this time, so I like to distract her by taking her outside. The front porch is covered, so it provides a little relief from the summer heat. We swing together on the porch swing, singing some songs in between listening to all the sounds outside. "Do you hear the train? I hear some doggies barking. Does that breeze feel good?" Scarlett is wide eyed and takes everything in. Her gaze is fixed on the swaying branches of a tree, its leaves quivering in the wind. Above us the sky is blue, but dark clouds loom just ahead. Low and persistent rumbling enters our lesson in sounds. "Do you hear that thunder, Scarlett?" Lightning flashes in the distance. "I think a storm is coming, baby."
As we watch it roll in, I flashback to a childhood memory: I'm 8 or 9 years old sitting with my mom on the porch swing of our "blue house" in Simpsonville, and we're watching a summer thunderstorm together. I remember thinking, "This is kinda cool." Maybe this is when thunderstorms stopped being scary and started being a strangely serene experience. It's ironic that something so powerful and threatening can be so relaxing.
Now I flash ahead to a little daydream of Scarlett a few years older swinging with me as we watch another summer storm together. I imagine her asking me lots of questions about anything and everything. Maybe she'll still like to sing songs. I kiss her head just like I do now.
However, at the present time, as curious as she is about the world, I don't think Scarlett would find a storm quite as calming just yet. The wind picks up and I tell her I guess it's time to go inside. "But I think we have time for one more song..."

The time I helped rip off Goodwill (I think)

Today Scarlett and I went treasure hunting at our local Goodwill store. I found a bunch of cool stuff, including a side chair that only needs the seat cushion recovered. So I was really excited about my finds and checked out happily, even though it took forever for the guy to wrap up all the fragile stuff. When he was finished, I turned around to take away my haul. I had Scarlett in the Moby Wrap as I pushed the loaded cart with one hand and awkwardly grabbed the chair with the other. I was just starting to make my slow shuffle toward the door when an older, majorly redneck lady asked if I needed some help. I had seen her behind me, but I wasn't paying attention to whether she checked out at the next register or was still waiting behind me or just walking around. She reeked of cigarette smoke, and I'm pretty sure she was drunk at 11:30 am. But hey, I did need help. She handed me her merchandise (a notebook, a DVD, and two pillowcases) and said "Here, put this in the buggy, and I'll take this," grabbing the chair. "Let's go." Her stuff wasn't in a bag.

We walked a few steps toward the door. "Oops, did you buy this stuff yet?" I asked, trying to be loud enough for the workers to hear.

"Yeah." And we walked out.

Ok, I don't know if I believed her, but what was I supposed to do, ask to see her receipt? I can't say for sure she was stealing, but it seemed suspicious. So now I feel a little bad. Did I just aid a criminal? Am I an accessory? Or did nothing really happen and I'm just being judgmental? Did I just help cheat a charitable organization out of $6.00? Oh well, since I had just donated a bunch of stuff right before, I guess we'll just call it even...

My Little Easter Bunny

This weekend we braved the almost three hour trip to Upstate SC to spend Easter weekend with my family. We took Scarlett up there in February, but that was when she was only two weeks old and still sleepy enough to pass out the whole way, so I was nervous this time around. I waited until she'd had a good nap (in my arms) and had fed before we left, and then we loaded up and headed out. I sat in the backseat with her in hopes of keeping her entertained. The first hour she was happy and "talking" up a storm. Then she fell asleep for 30 minutes. She then alternated between fussing and cooing, but then cried pretty much the entire last 30 minutes. I actually tried to lean over the carseat at one point and nurse her! But that didnt work, I couldn't bend quite the right way. Anyway, we survived and arrived to start a great weekend with family.

Easter Sunday would be Scarlett's debut at church, so I was a little nervous about how she would do and how I would get both myself and her ready on time. As for me, I had to rummage through my closet before we left for SC to find something somewhat cute that fit AND I could nurse in. I found a sundress with a cross-over front that fit the part. Scarlett would wear a sweet smocked dress that I wore when I was a baby. That morning she was so happy and just a-kickin' her little legs as I dressed her in a vintage slip, her dress, little white booties, and a pink felt flower headband that I made, despite her daddy's protests that she doesn't like wearing headbands. "Yes, she does, she likes to look pretty!" I countered, even though I think he's right. She does indeed seem to resent stuff being put on her head. Well she seemed in a good mood for the moment.

She fussed a little in her carseat on the way there, but seemed content as we arrived ten minutes late and took our seats. Perfect, she is going to do ok! I'll just hold her through the whole service and she'll just be happy as can be. Nope. Almost immediately after we sat down, as the worship team was reading scripture, Scarlett suddenly opened her mouth wide and shrieked. "WAAAAAAHHH! Wah-Wah-Wah WAAAAH!" I don't know if it was the voices coming through the microphones or all the people or what, but something sure scared the poor little girl. I hopped up and walked right out, Scarlett screaming all the way, and I could see the people's sympathetic smiles. Oh dear, well that's that. We did go back in after she nursed and fell asleep for a bit, but I ended up standing in the back rocking her.

Even though she was overwhelmed at church, I think Scarlett enjoyed her first Easter and having her Nana and aunts to hold her and love on her. Next year she will probably be able to hunt for a few eggs! That's hard to imagine. My little "peep" is growing so fast! Eating up every moment...

A Birth Story, part 2

Read part 1 here

Amniotic fluid trickling down the leg of my maternity yoga pants, I fumbled through my purse for a card with the number of my ob's answering service. "Um, yes, I think I'm in labor. I think my water just broke and my contractions are...ahhh...hoo... I'm having one...sorry...right now..." The pain was getting worse, I found I couldn't finish a sentence. I handed the phone off to my mom, who handed it off to Mark. Dr. Kleiss was on call that night and would call us back. Within a minute she called and Mark told her the situation and that we were headed to the hospital. We grabbed the bag I had packed and sitting by the door for weeks and the five of us piled into the car. At this point the contractions really started picking up, and every red light was torture. I jus kept praying, "Please, Lord, just let me not have another contraction until I get to the hospital and can have my epidural!"

By the time we arrived at the hospital, about 10:45 pm, I could barely walk. Somehow I made it to the maternity wing. Mark buzzed the doorbell. "How can we help you?" a sweet voice said through the speaker. My dear husband didn't quite know how to say the obvious answer. "Uh, Nash. We're here... havin' a baby?" I could hear a giggle in the nurse's voice as she told us to come on in. I leaned on the counter of the nurses' station as we signed some forms. When the nurse told me to follow her to a room, I didn't know if I could make it there. I did and changed into a ubiquitous hospital gown and crawled into the bed.

"I want an epidural right away," I informed the nurse when she came back in. Now the contractions were coming every minute and had become extremely intense and painful.

"OK, well in order to give you an epidural we have to check you, admit you, have you answer some questions and get a full bag of IV fluids in you, and then we'll call the anesthesiologist."

Are you kidding me? They don't keep these things on tap that you could just hook me up to instantly? The next hour was the most excruciatingly painful hour of my life as she checked me (yep, I was 5 cm dilated, for sure in labor!) and fired off a battery of questions that I answered through gritted teeth or just closing my eyes and shaking my head yes or no. She hooked me up with a bunch of wires to monitor the contractions. She felt my abdomen and looked at the screen as I groaned. "I'm having trouble feeling the contractions," she said to the other nurse. What?! I'M not having any trouble feeling them! She turned out to be a really sweet nurse, but in that moment I had some choice words for her in my head. To further delay my pain relief, they couldn't get a vein and had to call the IV team to put the needle in.

The pain was incredible. The worst pain I've ever felt in my life. Let me tell you, the worst period cramps ain't got nothin on labor pains! It felt an 18 wheeler was driving across my abdomen while a demon gripped my uterus, squeezing it with fiery hands. Finally the fluid was in, and the anesthesiologist came in the room. "Is she even having a break between contractions? How far is she dilated? When was the last time you checked her?" he asked the nurse, who seemed nonchalant. Thank you, doctor, for validating the intensity of my pain! The nurses didn't seem to believe me! (I'll say it again, the nurses turned out to be wonderful, but in my agony I didn't see them as very sympathetic.) I managed to sit up on the side of the bed as he numbed my back and placed the epidural. I didn't really feel it go in, just a little pressure. I laid back down, and it started to take effect within minutes. Sweet relief! Why doesn't everyone get one of these? I suddenly couldn't feel a thing! "Thank you! You're my best friend!" I told the anesthesiologist as he was leaving. I'm sure he gets that a lot.

The next couple hours were pure bliss compared to what I has been going through. I was confined to the bed, and I did have to have some oxygen, which was a little annoying, and I don't really remember why I had to have it, but I didn't care. I was pain free. I couldn't feel the contractions at all. The epidural made me a little shivery, bit it's a small price to pay! Now it was time to wait and rest up for the next phase.

It wasn't much longer until the nursed came to check me for a second time, at 2:00 am. "Hmm..." she said, "I can't seem to find your cervix... I think you're fully dilated." She seemed surprised and called another nurse for a second opinion. Yep! 10 cm! I guess I had progressed faster than they thought I would. They let me "labor down" for the next 30 minutes, and then it was time to start pushing!

Pushing is hard work! If the contractions were the worst part of labor, pushing comes in at a close second. It didn't hurt (until the very end), but it was utterly exhausting. It took a while for me to figure out how to push. The epidural suppresses the urge, but as my baby moved down the birth canal, I began to feel the pressure more intensely. As she began to crown, I felt an insane amount of pressure. At the risk of being too graphic, it feels like you're trying to push out the biggest poo of your life that just doesn't want to come out! I had been pushing for two hours, and I was sure my eyebrows would be permanently scrunched and my eyes had surely popped out of their sockets. I felt drained of energy and was ready to give up. The nurse and doctor told me to keep pushing, but what really motivated me were the sounds of awe and excitement coming from my husband, mom, and sister a they could see a head emerging. Now I was pushing with all that was in me and started to feel what they (quite accurately) call the "ring of fire". "Owwww!" and then a sigh of instant relief as her head was out. One more push and the doctor delivered the rest of her body. My first thought was thank the Lord that it's over! And then Dr. Kleiss held up this little naked, crying, beautiful baby and a rush of joy and amazement came over me. I couldn't believe she just came out of me. All I could say was "Oh!" as tears filled my eyes. Mark cut the cord, and the nurse placed a perfect baby girl on my chest. "Hi baby," I told her. "You're here! I love you!" And I do, I love her so much!

Scarlett Elizabeth Nash was born on Sunday, January 22, 2012 at 4:49 am, 6 pounds 10 ounces, 20.5 inches long

A Birth Story, part 1

The two weeks leading up to my due date I was fed up with being pregnant and anxiously waiting for Scarlett to arrive. I was so uncomfortable and couldn't sleep (Ha! As if I would get more sleep when I had a baby!), and I was sick of waddling around just waiting and knowing that it could be any day or three more weeks. Every night I would go to bed and think, "Maybe tonight's the night..." and every morning I would wake up disappointed and think, "Maybe today's the day..." Nope. The cycle continued. I also had a lot of irrational thoughts. "How will I know I'm in labor?" (Trust me, you'll know!), "What if I sleep through labor and wake up to the baby's head coming out??" (While we may have heard some crazy stories, I'm pretty sure for the majority of us there is absolutely NO WAY you could sleep through pain like that).

At my 39 week appointment my doctor asked me if I had any wishes to be induced. "No, I'd rather it happen naturally...but ask me again next week if I'm still here," I said, positive that I wouldn't be. The next week came. Even though we all know that it's an estimated date of delivery, it seems like such a let down when your due date comes and goes with no baby. At that point I was willing to talk induction. It was Thursday, and we scheduled the induction for the following Monday morning if she hadn't come by then.



My mom decided to go ahead and come down Friday night and stay the weekend so she would be here for sure if I was induced or if I went into labor over the weekend. She and my brother Cameron came down, and my sister Collier would come down the next day. Saturday morning Mark, Mom, Cameron, and I went to the home inspection of the house Mark and I were buying (we figured one major life event just wasn't enough), and I started feeling some tightening sensations. They were like stronger Braxton Hicks contractions that would come about every 20 minutes or so. After the inspection we went out for some lunch (which happened to be Mexican food - maybe that helped!), starting to get a little hopeful. Later that afternoon we decided to kill some time and hopefully kick things into gear by walking the mall. At that point the mini contractions started coming every 6-10 minutes, but they didn't hurt. When we got home, Collier had made it there and we sat down in the living room. All of the sudden the contractions started to hurt and started to get closer together. For some reason I was in denial that I was in labor. My mom kept saying I should go to the hospital (she had super fast labors and was afraid I would to), but I kept insisting that we wait like they told us until the contractions were 5 minutes apart, lasting 1 minute, for 1 hour. Mine quickly went from being around 10 minutes apart to 3 or 4 minutes apart, but they were only lasting about 30 seconds, and it had been less than 30 minutes. "Kara! You're in labor!" my mom assured me. They were starting to hurt worse now, like really bad menstrual cramps, and then quickly became 1-3 minutes apart. "OK, maybe we should call." As soon as I said it, my water broke.



Stay tuned for part 2...